"After the seed for this amazing tree is planted, you see nothing, absolutely nothing, for four years except for a tiny shoot coming out of a bulb. During those four year, all the growth is underground in a massive, fibrous root structure that spreads deep and wide in the earth. But then in the fifth year the Chinese Bamboo tree grows up to eighty feet!"
Many things in parenting are like the Chinese bamboo tree. You work, invest time and effort and do all you possibly can and sometimes you don't see anything for weeks, months or even years. It's this process that often demands patience to adapt to situations you didn't set up-- anything from buying track pants because they are softer than Levis, to allowing items to be touched as many times as makes your child feel even, making it through the rages, answering questions and commenting on stares. There is speed reading, speed writing, but no Speed Parenting.
As you may or may not know, Tanner is the oldest of 5 children. Aaron and I are parents of 4 sons and a daughter. Tanner and our 3rd son Mason have Tourette Syndrome. You see a lot of Tanner, on the blog because he is the most outspoken, and paving his way. I don't post the "Accomplishments of Tanner" on here to "brag", (we are proud of him, and his determination as any parent would be of their child) We post the accomplishments and activities, to show other kids, they can be or do whatever they want in spite of having Tourette Syndrome. Tourette Syndrome can be a lonely, isolating disorder. I think many parents feel isolated in their journey because there aren't many families who talk about having kids with TS. It can also be isolating because of co morbid disorders that go along with it. (OCD, ADHD, Depression, Anxiety, Rages) which at times can be more debilitating than the TS, which means there are the stares, and comments, and difficulties, in school, or even activities you can't participate.
As Parents, it seems like you live a double live- there is the life at home, when your child may be completely melting down, and the life at work or school. Most times in our life, no one would believe that we were doing all the correct things at home to try and circumvent the meltdowns, or behaviors. We would often hear about Tanner. "Oh he is perfectly fine at school, We have no problems. What is going on at home that there would be meltdowns and rages all the time." I felt for years I had "Stupid Parent"tattooed on my forehead. After all these years, we have come to accept our home as the "Safe Haven" I wouldn't want my child to melt down like he does at home at school. I am so glad he feels safe, and comfortable to let out his stress at home. (granted we had to adjust what ways were okay to do that) but I am so glad they want to come home and tell me what is happening. We were doing everything right. We need to adjust along the way but we are planting the right kinds of coping skills, and roots for our kids.
Next as a parent, you work, work, work, going from doctor to doctor, and specialists. Then there is the medication roller coaster, which one works, the side effects, one doesn't work, or you finally get on a good even keel, and then something needs to be tweaked. Did I mention dealing with everything with school, and getting it set up and working, and the good school years, and the bad ones, then the teachers who "GET IT" and those who don't want to be bothered. It is emotional and physically draining. I didn't even cover, keeping up with your other children functioning and helping them feel like they aren't living their brother or sister's TS life.
This story can apply in so many ways, I hope you can take from it what you need to give you the strength for your Journey. We share our story and Tanner's life so you can see that the Journey is worth it, all of the effort and work will pay off, and eventually you will see your sprouts of bamboo. It takes years, but you are laying the root system to give them the strength and tools for the rest of their life.
Sometimes we take our children's goodness for granted. Let's tell them how truly amazing they are, how each step in the right direction is valiant, even if sometimes its one step forward and two backward, don't forget the step forward. They are facing a strong head wind--at times a hurricane.
BAMBOO, my Friends, BAMBOO!
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